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Hjemme i København | Så dejlige, at jeg kunne spise dem

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H kommer cyklende målrettet vores vogn. Han har hørt om projektet og er nysgerrig og derfor let at lokke med ind.

H: Jeg har altid været meget pigeglad. Jeg bliver let forelsket og har været forelsket mange gange. Nogle gange kan jeg bare se en kvinde på gaden og blive betaget, synes hun er så dejlig, at jeg kunne spise hende. Jeg kan huske, da jeg var en lille knægt og var knaldforelsket i min babysitter, og hvad var hun ti år ældre end mig? Da jeg var femten, blev jeg meget forelsket i en pige, der havde sin egen knallert. Hun boede på plejehjemmet, da hun var blevet tvangsfjernet hjemmefra. Hun var den første pige, jeg nogensinde var sammen med. Der var en weekend, hvor min forældre skulle noget, og så var det dér vi skulle i seng sammen. Hun var noget erfaren, og jeg var jo helt grøn. Jeg kan huske, hvordan jeg sitrede, hele kroppen rystede, og jeg var meget ophidset, men også nervøs, så nervøs, at det der ligesom skulle være ophidset, slet ikke var. Så det der skulle have været den store dag, blev det ikke. Dagen efter var mine forældre kommet hjem, men vi besluttede os altså for, at selvom de var hjemme, at gøre det alligevel. Vi lå oppe på loftet, og det vildt, og det var voldsomt og overstået på meget kort tid. Jeg bankede mit knæ i gulvet og rev hendes bukser i stykker. Så var hun jo nødt til at låne mine. Og mine forældre spurgte, hvorfor hun havde mine bukser på. ‘Øh fordi hun spildte noget vand på sine’, tror jeg, jeg sagde.

Efter vi havde været kærester i nogen tid, blev hun meget irriteret på min mor og gav mig et ultimatum, enten flyttede jeg hjemmefra og sammen med hende ind til Hjørring, ellers skred hun. Og jeg var så forelsket hende, så jeg sagde til mine forældre, at nu flyttede jeg hjemmefra, og hvis de sagde nej, så gjorde jeg det alligevel. Så vi flyttede sammen, en 15-årig knægt og en pige på 16 og legede hus. Hun arbejdede på en strømpefabrik og jeg i en børnehave, eller gik jeg i skole? Det kan jeg ikke huske. Og jeg sad i sofaen med en pibe, og hun lavede spagetti med ketchup.

En aften tog hun over til sin veninde. Men kom ikke hjem. Jeg blev bekymret og var sikker på, at der var sket hende noget. Midt om aftenen, ringede jeg til politiet fra en mønttelefonboks for at høre, om de havde rapporteret nogle færdselsuheld. Om natten gik jeg derned for at indrapportere, at hun var væk, og jeg var bekymret. Klokken 3 tog jeg en sovepille, jeg var syg af bekymring og kunne ikke sove, og lagde mig så til at sove. Jeg vågnede igen kl 5, og så gik jeg ned til strømpefabrikken og ventede til klokken 7, hvor folk mødte ind. Og dér dukkede hun op, min kæreste. Hun havde været sammen med en anden. Og vi græd og skændtes og gjorde det forbi. Hold kæft hvor var jeg ulykkelig. Jeg flyttede for en kort stund hjem til mor og far, og faldt ned i et hul, jeg var hverken til at hugge eller stikke i, jeg var bare helt nede i kulkælderen med kollosal hjertesorg og stadig dødforelsket. Så sendte de mig på højskole. Men hun var ikke sådan at glemme. Jeg tænkte stadig på hende længe efter.

pige på knallert

 

 

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